Second

** drama alert **
While I adamantly said, "I'm not mad or bitter about this, MyFella kept saying, "You sound mad and bitter." So I'm going to say that I realize it's impossible to write this (or say it out loud) without sounding mad and bitter.

So there's your bitter alert for this posting.

"Here" she said and was handing me the phone. I said, "Who is it?" She said, "E." I said, "I'm not taking that call." She said into the phone, "I think he's mad at you." I said, "I'm not 'mad.' "

Come home from Iraq or Afghanistan or where ever it is you are and spend a month and don't call me, the first time I won't even think about it. Or the second. But the fourth time? OK, OK. Two times I won't count because you had an intensely personal reason, so I'll give you those two. If you want me to believe you spent the full 30 days so deeply consumed by the personal emotion of a tragedy with some of your friends - I will believe you. I've got no problem with that.

I've told you before, I don't have to be first. I know you have a lot of family and a lot of friends who want your time when you're home. I'll take second. I'll share. You made it all the way from the Middle East, I'll drive to you.

I'll even give you this: I know you are young and handsome and would rather spend your time with young pretty girls and young handsome men than with your old, fat, fag cousin. I got ya, I understand. Just call. Or tell your Mom and aunt to cook a family supper one night. I'll share.

But come home four times in a row, don't call me at all? In fact, tell me by MySpace two months ago you were coming home on the 22nd for a month, and then actually come home a month earlier, and the night you are leaving, as you are driving to the airport, tell somebody to hand me the phone because I happen to be sitting near them. . . in a crowded and noisy restaurant where I really can't talk with you anyway.

I'll be second place. What I won't be is second hand, second rate, second thought.

Doesn't change how much I love you. Doesn't change that I will answer the phone of it rings right now. Or when you come back, I'll still share, take a phone call, etc. But I have people who think of me first. I have people who enjoy my company and call me. I have people who come to town and make the point of seeing me. So I know what it feels like.

I won't be second hand, second rate, second thought.

*Told you. It would read like drama*

---

See how Windows connects the people, information, and fun that are part of your life. See Now