"I wuz jus tryin to eat my dinner"

Backwoods white trash.
So I'm in the elevator today at work, two maintenance men get in. One is older, has a pony tail sticking out from his baseball cap and some leather knife holder on his belt with a skull and crossbones on it. The other is young, early to mid 20's, and cute in a not-super-cute redneck sorta way. So the younger one starts telling the other one some bizarre story.

Basicly, he's married and has a girlfriend. His girlfriend and his wife know each other. He's had to tell the girlfriend to quit coming around so often because the wife will figure it out. Then he says "We were all out together. How fucked up is that? My old lady and my girl."

HELLO - You're what? 25? Old lady? Geeze.

But the story gets better. Where are they? The Huddle House. The Huddle House. OK. Whatever.

His wife is sitting next to him saying "Hold me" and his girlfriend is across the table rubbing his leg with her foot. Then he says in the most-country-azz accent imagineable "I was jus wantin to enjoy my meal." You're at the Huddle House. Come on.

Then he goes on about (we're walking down the hall by now, I'm all of 3 feet ahead and I will admit I have paced myself slowly. It was like listening to a train wreck). . . how "I wish I could get them to touch each other. I mean, if it's all about me, right, that's what I want." OhMyGawd, how incredibly mundane. There's not a unique bone in your body. You're 25, cheating on your wife, your idea of eating a good meal is the Huddle House. And you've absolutely got to wonder what it would be like for them to "touch each other."

Common as pig tracks.