The Box.

The box was rectangle, probably 4 inches high, and 4X6. Maybe smaller, maybe larger. A dark brown, like a mahogany maybe. Simple, yet sturdy and beautiful.

My mother said, "They want to bring the box and the pictures over to the Parrish Hall." She had the signature book in her hand, and someone took the pictures and she asked me to pick up the box.

The service was concluded, and everyone was walking next door for the lunch always put on by the ladies of the church for a funeral. He was just over 35 years of age. He lived a youth very much entwined with my own. Our fathers forged a friendship having worked together for many years on the police department, our mother's friends. I suppose, really, from our parents perspectives at the time, they were creating their lives and their families together in our hometown.

Many, many days spent together. In the older years, my brother was in closer contact with him than I. They were slightly closer in age. And sometime over 10 years ago I left our hometown.

His life's journey took an odd path. Struggles with demons of depression and other things made his life harder than anyone's should be. Struggles with the medication made his days harder than they should be. And then of course, when they feel better, they quit taking the medicine. It's a brutal, hard cycle.

It's an ugly way of life for a beautiful person.

It ended this week in a tragic way, a way that can never be undone. One of his friends said, "It's like being a teenager and wanting a beer. I'm going to get it." He said something like, once, "I told him I would come right there. But what about the next time?"

My mind wanders to episodes of Dr. Who, who sometimes said that he could see when things are a "fixed point in time." And like others, I wonder about the "what?" and the "if's?" Would it be a fixed point in time, if we could go back? But then, don't we wonder that with almost every loss? Natural losses? Accidents? Tragics that don't make sense? What? If?

The box was heavier than I imagined it would be. He was beautiful.