Stress Induced Paranoia

or perhaps paranoia induced stress. Also titled "Thanks to my old friend . . . "

You know the last couple of weeks, my boss has been hammering me over the sales and numbers in my department. She and I have talked a few times about the nature of selling to the tour & travel industry, and it's just not an instant gratification market segment. I need buses, and I've hit every convention I could since I got there. I've done mail outs.

Anyway, another department that had a lot of our hotel rooms walked ~ the whole department. So a lot of their rooms got cancelled and the big "they" started calling my boss wanting her to pick up the slack. Only if you know much about corporate sales, they tend to book their conventions a year in advance. We do have some people who work on short-term or last minute sales, but those are. . . well. . . last minute. You can't have it both ways - short term is short term and a year out is a year out.

But I digress ~ my friend, we'll refer to her as "A" has always been someone who likes the drama, the flotsam and jetsam of meetings and politico office workings. In her sense of friendship, she's been trying for weeks to get me in her office to tell me what she's 'heard' about me and our lack of bookings. I've been telling her I don't care to hear it, because I've already spoken with my boss face to face. But this week "A" was 'separated' with a severance package, and in my attempt to offer her support, she started rambling it all out before I could shut her up.

Which created about a 3 day rolling paranoia that just became overwhelming by yesterday. I was convinced my boss was walking in any minute to fire me. I was convinced that she was not taking my calls or returning my emails and they were all to "distance" herself from me. As my paranoia reached new heights yesterday, my friend "Huffy" told me to go in her office and and confront my boss.

Well, that went well. She was furious that people were gossiping about her and her department and she said that only she, her VP and a woman named Barbara "in Revenue" would know anything about any potential firings in her departments. ("A" said she'd heard these comments in a "revenue meeting"). But that no, there was no talk of firing me. Then she called me a name like "doody head" or "dork" or something.

Then Huffy told me she was mad because I wouldn't give up my informants name and why since "A" was separated this week. I said "I was just waiting to make sure A got her severance before I dimed her out." But Huffy had already dimed "A" out. So it doesn't matter.

Admittedly, the whole of this was my fault. I'm darned near 38 years old, I've worked in my business for over 12 years and I know good and well about gossip, gossipers, and human nature. I am not in control of whether or not people gossip, but I'm in control of how I let it control me. And I failed myself miserably. I think it was the weakness of knowing there was some small seed of truth in our lower numbers that allowed it to take hold of me.

But there you go - and that's why I felt I needed some Molly's last night. I am positive that beef fajita nachos covered in white cheese dip set back my low cholesterol, low fat, lose weight ideas by a week. But I sure did feel better.

MyFella is rolling out an area rug in my living room he bought me as a gift. It's perfct, just exactly what I wanted. He found it on sale at like a Fred's or something. It's the colors and pattern style I wanted.

Good morning, and good weekend!