Story for the day . . . .

so it's been incredibly hot today and I've been out in it. But I felt giddy like a sugar high, so I forced myself to take a brisk walk.

Now, there's this couple, two guys, that seemed to live akross the skreet from me (yes, I spelled it that way on purpose) that are often taking their walk about the same time as I. Usually we pass going in opposite directions. The other night I gave some greeting and one replied something with a "sir." When that happened, my mind immediately had the bitter impact of my friend "Red" who does not care for a "ma'am" and I knew good and well them boys are as old as me. But anyway . . . tonight we ran into each other at an intersection going the same way. Only one of them was carrying a twin sized mattress. Just the one, not both. His partner was strollin' along beside him.

I said, "I've seen yaw walking some nights just like me. I just gotta tell ya, I would pick up a hand-weight or something, but if you're picking up furniture for your health, you just go ahead and lose more than me."

They told me their names, let's just say Guy 1 and Guy 2. Guy 1 was carrying the mattress and Guy 2 has a broken rib. Guy 2's mom stays with them sometimes and it's a one bedroom apartment so she just makes a pallet on the floor.

I've already offered once to help while we're walking and he's talking and I offer again. He says "Do you mind?" and I said, "Not if I offered twice. If I only offered once, I didn't really want to." So I help Guy 1 carry this mattress. As I tried to figure out how to hold it I said, "How do you want it? to which Guy 1 replied "Anyway as long as it's rough." A few seconds later Guy 2 said, "He didn't catch that." I said, "I did." Guy 2 said, "He's being polite." Really I had a smile on my face, it's not like I've never said anything like that. But it was just sort of funny, you know, the situation.

Just a split second after tossing it over my head and it landing on my hair, I thought "WHERETHAFRUCKDIDTHISCOMEFROM?" and I said, "Did the owners look clean?" (not entirely sure what his frame of reference would be) and he said, "It came from the fire station." To which I thought, "Well, I'd do any of them. So it's o.k. Besides, if they did have freaky sex with some uniform-chasing girl, they probably had sense enough to check her for cooties, right?"

So I help them (him, 'cause there was no them doing the carrying) take it to their house. You can't tell from the front it's duplexed up. Just about in front of Chick-Filet (a'comin soon) someone stops on Union Avenue to take a picture of us! Guy 1 said "You see some crazy stuff" not realizing the irony of his words. I said, "You see everything in Midtown, and sometimes you don't realize you're it." I'm sure we'll pop up on somebody's FB later tonight.

Up to the back of the house we walk in the kitchen and from-my-mouth-to-G-d's-ears there's Guy 2's mother laying on a pallet on the kitchen floor right up next to a 6 person dining room table laid out with a table cloth and gold gilded china. The kitchen has a fireplace left over from who-knows-what-original construction and they have stuffed every square inch with collectible Barbie dolls (cartoon princess versions like Cinderella are all I can remember at a glance) and the whole room is just vibing QUEEN! I mean, who sets out a china in a one bedroom apartment with a tiny kitchen? Come on.

Guy 1 tells the mother to get up a couple of times and as she's slung down on the floor on a cordless phone she has to end her call to pop up. She seems to be in perfectly good health. They lay the mattress down right there. And I pop out before they offer to show me anything else.

I know, I know, I should have been strong and just a demanded a tour. But I was just sort of experiencing sensory overload in the kitchen alone. I don't think I was ready to handle any other rooms.

Honestly, the two guys seem very nice. I hope I'm right.