"the way we were"

The nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time, "You look exactly the same." It was nice to hear, from someone who knew me a long time ago. It was a lie, but he said it with sincerity in his voice. I could almost believe him, and maybe I did, for just a moment. It was a good moment. With this blog, maybe I can remember the moment, hold on to the memory of seeing an old friend again.


Ah, enough of the memory and longing for a time gone by. Here's the good part - Said by a friend I probably haven't seen in a decade or more, who happens to look HOT. Great butt, big package, flat tummy, firm chest. I wanted to love him and hate him at the same time. His FB photo's had implied he'd held on to his hottiness. But up close, he has. He's got some weird issue with his hair. But still, he's hot. (Yes, I know he's got a flat tummy and firm chest because in my consumate gayness, I managed to cop a feel during a hug. So there.)

His sister, too. Gorgeous, like always.

Back to the memories:

Way, way back in the day, I had a bestest pal around town, a girl pal. I can pin point the exact moment I met her. Well, I can recall how we met, she says she knows what day. But anyway, after about 10 years of hanging tight, she and I had a falling out.

I thought she would call. I thought she would show up for my college graduation. I thought I would hear from her any day. It was ten years later that I came home to my first apartment in Memphis, pushed the answering machine button*, and heard her voice say "Happy Birthday." I kid you not, I slumped against the wall and slid to the floor.

Anyway, since then, we've tried to talk and keep in touch. Sometimes we do so much as spend a weekend sending texts trying to figure out if we'll see each other, only to not see each other. Then two years ago she called and said, "I made you dance with me twenty years ago, I'm making you do it again" so I was her date to her high school reunion. Though we've talked since, we hadn't seen each other since.

Then her father died this week in a tragic accident. Sudden, unexpected vehicle accident.

I was torn over what to do, when to go home, how much to "be there" for her. I mean, I knew I would be there for the visitation and the funeral. And once there was a time I would have been by her side throughout. But that time was long since over. Long since.

There was a moment standing beside her last night when it felt like I could take my old place again. No one else was standing there. I would wipe away years with a blink of the eye.

Then the moment passed, and I knew so had our time. At least in that way, the way it was, or to sing the Karen Carpenter song, "the way we were." **

But, as funerals do, they bring together old faces and I've seen old friends. There's the comment "Why do people only do this at funerals?" I considered staying for the luncheon, I knew there wasn't anything going on at work. But I think somewhere deep inside, I just felt like the time had passed. I did what any good former best friend/pseudo boyfriend would do. I quietly went away.

She asked me to go to the family lunch at the church afterwards. I could have. It might have even been nice. But that's not what happened, not quite what felt. . . right?

Anyway, in spite of the circumstances, it was good to see old friends. And better to see one in particular who is gor-geous and a total hottie. It felt good when he said, "You look exactly the same" even though I know it's a lie.

It was good to remember "the way we were" even if it was only for a brief moment.